The Approach of the Alpha Male

This wasn’t my anticipated second blog entry, but after a conversation I had a few weeks ago where I consciously observed the chain of events, it amused me how every confident professional guy I have met uses what appears to be a set of rules in order to say hello.

Well deserved after work drink

Image courtesy of bludemon / Freeimages.com

Megan suggested going for a few after work drinks at No5 Cavendish Square; it is the sort of bar that attracts the traders of Bond Street and Mayfair; where the price of drinks include a premium for being in the establishment.  When we arrived, it was mainly full of couples on dates and men in suits and no ties.  I’ve dated enough bankers and traders to be able to spot a real one in his natural playground.

After being there for about an hour, we got into conversation with a group of four guys, three of whom worked in finance (the fourth one in the group looked as awkward as hell!).

I’ve noticed that when I meet professional guys on nights out that they almost always use the same routine to ascertain my eligibility stats.  First, they introduce themselves with a handshake, but without invading my personal space.  Then they ask a standard range of questions: what I do for a living, why I’m out drinking, whether I live in London and, in a round about way, whether I have a boyfriend.  Age isn’t broached until later, which sometimes can be very awkward.

The greeting
Image courtesy of ambro / freedigitalphotos.net

Once they’ve established I have no boyfriend, it can become awkward if they are blinded by their own egos and make incorrect assumptions in thinking I am interested in them, when in fact, I’m just talking to them because I like talking about finance, politics and current affairs, and see them as a potential professional contact.

I got talking to the trader of the group, while his friends spoke to Megan.  The trader and I talked shop and flexed our occupational prowess.  I friend-zoned him within seconds – he wasn’t my type, and perhaps hinted one too many time at how much money he earned.  Deliberately, not wanting to give him any indication that I was interested in him, I slipped in the ‘I think you and I could be really good friends’ line into conversation, which he laughed at.

Regardless of this, he eventually approached the subject of whether I had a boyfriend, but only after first paying me a negative compliment.  I responded with a negative compliment directed at him and made it very evident that I knew what he was trying to do.  I don’t think he was used to girls responding like that!

Friend-zoned
Image courtesy of ambro / freedigitalphotos.net

After he got over the surprise he asked whether I had a minimum salary requirement and whether I expected guys to buy me designer handbags and shoes.  Apparently guys actually buy girls such gifts – I appear to be missing out on a trick here!  As selective as I am, provision of handbags and shoes have never been a requirement for whether I date a guy or not.  I suppose I took my Established Professional Female stance on the matter and explained to the trader that I have a career, I am financially comfortable, and I live within my means but can afford to indulge in a few luxuries.  Moreover, I am more than capable of buying my own handbags and shoes, thank you very much!

I did, however, answer the real question.  I confirmed that I wasn’t in a relationship, but I was currently dating a guy – Mr Cool.

I can buy my own shoes!
Image courtesy of 
David Castillo Dominici / freedigitalphotos.net

Initially, the trader didn’t understand what that meant.  When he spoke to his friends, he referred to me as having a boyfriend.  I was quick to correct him – I did not consider Mr Cool to be my boyfriend; I was very much single and free to date any other guys if I wanted.

The trader and his friends were confused: how could I date a guy, for him not to be my boyfriend, and for me to be able to date other guys?  Good question.

My intended blog entry was about the difference between dating and relationships, but I’ll save that for another time.

The trader joked that until then, he was going to ask me out, but now he felt a little scared because I dated like an alpha male.  However, in understanding there was no boyfriend, he started to invade my personal space and ask about what kind of dates I liked to go on and my idea of the perfect date.

Primal alpha male
Image courtesy of stockimages / freedigitalphotos.net

I was relieved when one of his friends, who had been talking to Megan, started talking to me.  It transpired that that we worked in close proximity of each other and we got talking about the area.  The trader was not happy about his friend talking to me and called him the ‘ultimate cock-block’ because he genuinely thought he had a chance with me (his other friends told me this).

I should have anticipated the trader’s response the moment I spoke to another alpha male.  It’s curious how alpha males interact normally, and how they interact when they perceive each other as threats: it triggers a primal, competitive ‘each for their own’ mentality that would otherwise lie dormant.

So, the next time you find yourself amongst a group of alpha males, just see whether they follow the pattern I’ve encountered. I’d be interested to know your thoughts!